The only thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up was a mom. Like, I didn’t care about anything else, not what I was going to do for a job, or getting married, or any of that crap. I just wanted to be a mom. And now that I am one, to three awesome kids, it’s great and all, but I don’t want to be defined as just a mom. I want to be me, with mom as just one of the things that make me, me.

You’re probably like, wow, make up your damn mind- do you want to be a mom or not? To answer your question, I sure as shit do, but I also know that in order to be the best mom that my kids deserve, I need to be a happy mom. And while raising my kids makes me happy, I don’t want to lose myself in the process. The truth is, no matter how happy your kids make you, that’s only one piece of the puzzle.

When I was home on maternity leave, the first time, the postpartum depression set in and it was no joke. I won’t get into it in this post, but if you want to read more about my experience you can check out my blogs, What No One Tells You About Postpartum Life And How To Get The Support You Need and What You Need To Know About Postpartum Depression. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I needed to do something for me. I was so wrapped up in being someone’s mother that I forgot how to take care of myself.

In this blog I will give you some ideas as to how you can ensure you keep yourself happy (and sane!) while you raise happy, healthy kids. Because part of taking care of your family, is taking care of yourself!

1. Keep Doing What You Did Before Kids
If you got your nails done once a week before you had kids, then keep doing it after you have kids. Likewise, keep getting your hair done, or playing on your intramural sports league, or going to a crafting class once a week. Here’s the thing, if you stop doing something you love, because of somebody else, then eventually you will start to resent that person. And while you may never resent your kids, you will start to become unhappy because of it. It may sound easier said than done, but I promise you, there’s always a way to make it work. I get manicures, pedicures, my eyebrows waxed, and haircuts all on my lunch hour. Not all on the same days of course, but splitting it up gives me something to look forward to each day! Find out where there is a reputable salon near where you work. You would be surprised how relaxing it is to get those things done specifically during that time. It’s not time I would normally be with my kids so there’s no mom guilt to worry about. And if you’re a stay at home mom, then make your appointments for when your spouse gets home. And don’t let him give you that shit about how he worked all day and needs to relax when he gets home, because let me tell you, I’ve been a stay at home mom while on maternity leave and I’ve been a working mom, and a stay at home mom is a hell of a lot harder than going to work! And if you’re a single mom, try to find other mom friends that you can trade off with watching each others kids. For example, on Mondays you watch her kids and yours, and on Tuesdays she watches yours and hers.

2. Schedule Weekly Date Nights
Just because you have kids now, doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have any fun without them! If anything they are why you should have fun without them. Continuing to date your husband after you have kids keeps your relationship strong. When you guys as parents have a healthy relationship, it not only creates a better environment for your kids to grow up in, but it sets an example of what a healthy relationship should look like. And I say to schedule it becasue if you have something planned, you are less likely to come up with an excuse to cancel. Plus, its good for your kids to hang out with someone else while you go out. Different people teach them different things, and if it’s a grandparent, or another family member, it will give them time to bond. And it gives you a reason to dress up!!!

3. Schedule Time Alone
I recently read about this in a magazine article and it was a great idea. It said for you and your husband to each schedule a day of the week where that person goes out ALONE for a few hours. So maybe every Monday night from 5-8 your husband gets to go out by himself to do whatever he wants, while you watch the kids, and on Wednesdays you get to do the same from 5-8 while he watches the kids. This is your time to do whatever you want KID FREE. This is especially important if you are a stay at home mom. Go out even if you have no where to go!! Shit, if the temperature is right, go park your car around the block for three hours and read a book! But no matter what- take that time and go out!! Even if you have nothing to do and no where to go. Even if one of the kids is sick. Your husband can take care of it for three hours. Look at it this way- If you had to go to work, you wouldn’t call out if your husband was home, right? Well this is just as important!

4. Pick Up a Hobby
Maybe you had one before you had kids and you haven’t done it in a while because you “don’t have time.” Well, I’m telling you it’s super important to find the time! Fun fact about me- I have my art degree. I never had any intentions of using my elementary education degree; That was my backup major. But somehow I ended up teaching and my art somehow got pushed to the side. Recently, I decided to get back into it, instead of constantly saying how much I missed doing it. A couple weeks ago, I went to a mega sale at Joann’s craft store and purchased all these gorgeous beads that I can’t wait to put to use! What was your pre-kids hobby? Maybe it is even something that you can involve the kids in! I have larger beads (meant for kids) that I am going to give to Joey so he can thread them on a string and make his own jewelry while I do mine! Or maybe you didn’t have a hobby before kids because you spent all your free time at the local bar (no judgment zone here!), so keep trying things until something sticks!

5. Start a Side Hustle!
Ok, so you’re probably weren’t expecting to see this on the list and to be honest with you, three years ago after I had my first baby, I never would have thought this would be on my list of things that would help me feel more like myself and less like “just someone’s mother.” But here’s the thing, it’s made me feel even better than I felt when I was just taking care of myself (and I really mean just myself- back in those days I couldn’t even keep a plant alive, but then again I can’t really do that now either…). My side hustle has helped me find my passion and that is helping other moms. Moms who are who need someone to talk to about pregnancy, moms with postpartum depression, and even moms with toddlers (yes, that struggle is REAL too). I started out coaching becasue I wanted to make money, but I didn’t realize I would find a true passion. I’m not saying you need to coach. Maybe your passion is creating art and selling it at flea markets or on Etsy. Whatever it is, find it, and turn it into a money maker! And if you need help brainstorming your awesomeness, or if you think coaching is for you, reach out here and I’ll be in touch!

6. Work on Getting Your Pre-Baby Body Back
Yes, I went there!! So I’m not going to defend this last one in this post. You can refer to my blog post, As A New Mom You Shouldn’t Have To Feel Guilty For Wanting Your Pre-Baby Body Back, where I explain why I hate when women knock other women down for wanting to get back to their old self after having a baby. If you were like me and this is something you need to do to feel like more than just someone’s mom, then go for it! It will probably take some trial and error to see what works for you, but once you have it down, you’ll be surprised how amazing you feel. Still stuck? Let’s set up a free call and I can talk you through it. Just fill out this quick form and I’ll get in touch ASAP! Or if you don’t want to wait any longer to feel more like yourself, then sign up here and you can start today!

And if all else fails, lock yourself in the bathroom with a box of cookies and let them fend for themselves. JUST KIDDING! But really, promise yourself that you are going to pick at least ONE of the above and try it for at least a month. I promise, these all will help have you feeling more like a person who is a mom, then a mom that’s a person. Does that sentence make sense? I’m still not sure…