There is so much unwanted (and unnecessary) advice that goes out to new mothers, it’s ridiculous. It blows my mind how people are so quick to tell new moms certain things, but then there’s the other things that they completely neglect to tell them.

First off, let me tell you the one thing that seasoned mothers constantly say to first time pregnant moms that makes me cringe. It’s when they say, “If you think you’re tired now, just wait until the baby comes.” Okay, first off, these poor things are hormonal, probably anxious about how their life is going to change, and, here’s the obvious one, tired. Oh, and they didn’t friggen ask anyone! In my opinion, you can’t compare pregnancy tired with having a newborn tired.

Here’s What They Don’t Tell You About Sleep

When you are pregnant, you are carrying the little person around with you constantly. And you can’t change where/how you are carrying them! All the things about pregnancy that make it so uncomfortable are also things you can’t change until the baby comes out. And that’s why it’s difficult (but definitely not impossible- so don’t freak out) to sleep. But once the baby comes out, you can pass the baby off to someone else for a few hours so you can get some sleep. AND here’s the perspective that made the huge difference for me- When you are pregnant and up at night, it’s just you. There’s no one to keep you company (unless you want to wake up your husband), whereas when the baby is keeping you up, you have this tiny, amazing, new, person that just wants mommy to hold them and keep them safe and warm so they can sleep. I mean, how can you be annoyed at that?! I mean sure, I get it, I work a full time job and have 3 kids also. So I get how important sleep is and how much it sucks not to get any, but, trust me, they are only little for so long and it may not seem like it at the time, but you will miss the baby cuddles when they are bigger and don’t need mommy as much to sleep at night. If you want to read more about this specific point, head to my blog, Why The Second Time Around is Easier Than The First.

Oh, and then there’s also the fact that, maybe, just maybe, that new moms baby will sleep. And in that case, you were wrong and worried her for nothing. So please, next time you hear someone tell a tired pregnant woman, “If you think you’re tired now, just wait until the baby comes,” punch them and tell them it is from me. Just kidding, that will get you arrested. Just tell them they are an asshole instead. Okay, don’t do that either. But what you can do is assure that soon to be new mom that that statement is a bunch of BS and tell her what she really should know- that her baby will be the best thing to ever happen to her and she should enjoy very minute of holding her precious child.

If you want to connect with some really awesome moms, join my free facebook group here.

What They Don’t Tell You About Feeding Your Baby

First, let me just start off by saying that even though I am a big breastfeeding advocate, fed is best. I will say it again, FED IS BEST. There is so much pressure out there breastfeed, but what there is not a lot of is information about it. I think it’s important for you to know that breastfeeding is HARD. So you are probably like, “Okay, why is she not okay with someone telling me I won’t sleep, but she is telling me that breastfeeding is going to be hard?” Here’s why- when you go into breastfeeding with the expectation that it is going to be easy (like I did), you will feel awful as a mother when you have issues with it (like I did). So many new moms that I talk to end up giving up becasue they feel like they had no choice. They weren’t able to successfully breastfeed on their own, the baby wasn’t getting enough to eat, ect., and they ended up giving up on something that was important to them. I won’t get into all the solutions for that in this blog (if you want you can refer to my blog, Breastfeeding Support For New Moms), I just want you to go into breastfeeding without any expectations.

Also Know This…

There are a lot of moms out there who genuinely hate breastfeeding (I am one of them). It gives them anxiety, depression, they have an aversion for it, ect., and so even if it may come easily and they have no issues with their milk supply, they simply chose not to. And that is okay too! At the end of the day, your baby needs to be fed and happy. And in order for baby to be happy, mommy needs to be happy too. So if you chose formula fed as your method of feeding your baby, then that is okay too!

For more on this topic, check out my blog, How I Choose To Feed My Baby Is My Business.

Lastly, What I Want EVERY SINGLE NEW MOM TO KNOW

Mamas, this is the important one so listen closely. You do not owe anyone an explanation about your parenting choices. You do not have to defend yourself on why you do anything as a mother. When someone wants to know why I do, or don’t do something, I say becasue it’s my friggen kid, that’s why. You raise your kid how you want, and I’ll raise mine how I want.

Now I will admit, I am the kind of person who likes confrontation (just ask my husband), so I am okay with people judging me for how I parent my kids. But if you are the type of person who does not like confrontation and who will feel bad for someone putting down their choices, then lie. For real, being a mom is hard enough (rewarding, but hard), you don’t have to deal with assholes too. (Trust me, your toddler will be a-holey enough for you.) So when you’re talking to your husband’s nosy Aunt Sally and she wants to know what your kids bath time routine is at night and not only do your kids not have one, but they also don’t get baths every single night (ahem, my kids), and you also know she will give you that disapproving stare if you tell her the truth, then LIE. If you can’t take the judgement or if you just don’t want anyone to know, then don’t tell them anything. Trust me, it will be your best line of defense against the Aunt Sally’s of the world.

And again, if you want to join a judge-free community of moms, you can join my free facebook moms group here.