How you feed your baby is probably one of the most important decisions you will have to make as a new mom. And take note, I said YOU will have to make (and your partner, of course). Not your mother, not your mother in-law, not your friends, not your neighbors, not your neighbors friends. Lately I’ve been seeing so many mothers bashing other mothers because of how they choose to feed their child and it needs to stop. Just the other day I saw a mom post on social media a question about formula and she was attacked for not breastfeeding. I felt horrible for her. She was looking for support in a private group where she should have felt safe and instead she had to remove her post because she felt attacked. For feeding her child. It was so sad and disappointing.

While I am a huge advocate for breastfeeding (I breastfed Joey until he was 14 months old and I plan on feeding the new baby just as long, if not longer), I understand that that will not be every moms choice. And it’s none of my business or your business why. You have no idea why a mom might not be breastfeeding. You don’t know what’s going on in their world emotionally or physically. Maybe their milk never came in, maybe they can’t produce milk, maybe they are on medication vital to their health that isn’t safe for baby, or maybe they just simply choose not too. Either way, it’s their child and it’s their choice. You need to respect that.

And it goes both ways. I was ridiculed by people for breastfeeding. “How long are you going to do that?” they asked. “I don’t want to see that,” they said. Why do you care how long someone feeds their child for? Whether they choose to breastfed for four months or four years, it has nothing to do with you, so keep your opinions to yourself. If you want to involve yourself in how other mothers feed their children, join the No Kid Hungry campaign. That would be a much better use if your time.

And for the new moms out there who are doing the best you can, please don’t let anyone influence your decision either way. However you choose to feed your baby, whether it be by breast or bottle, the important thing is that you are feeding them, caring for them, keeping them safe, and loving them unconditionally. If someone has something to say about it, dismiss them and move on. And know you are doing a great job. No kid ever grew up and resented their parents because they were fed a certain way as a baby or because you breastfed them for “too long.”

In a world with so much hate, we should be supporting each other as moms and as women, NOT tearing each other down for the choices that we make. So before you judge someone on their parenting decisions, take a step back and focus on how you can empower or help that mom instead of making her feel bad.