The self love movement is something I feel really strongly about, but not in the way you probably think, and I’m not afraid to voice my opinion about it. The premise of the self love movement is to love your body the way it is. To learn to love the flaws and the scars and the love handles. And I think it’s great if you are the type of person that wants to love your love handles, but I’m not. I will never learn to love them and I don’t have to “learn to love them” just because someone thinks I should.

When I was pregnant with my first son I gained 40 pounds. It was fun while I was pregnant but as soon as I had to start walking around with a huge stomach and couldn’t use the excuse that I had a baby in there, I really started feeling down and it showed. That’s when other women chimed in. They would say things like, “You grew another human, you’re a mother now.” Or, “You need to get used to your new body.” But here’s the thing- no matter how many times or how many people tell me to love something, if I don’t love it, you saying I should isn’t going to make me feel any better.

After I had Joey, the words that made me feel the worst were, “It took you 9 months to put it on, give it 9 months to take it off.” I know that people meant well but all I heard was, “You are going to be this uncomfortable and unhappy for at least 9 more months.” Those words of “encouragement” actually did the opposite of make me feel better. Instead by me “accepting” the fact that this was my new body, it caused me to spiral into a postpartum depression. People were telling me to love myself as is, but I knew I never could. Now what do I do?

Here’s what I did. I said to hell with what everyone thinks I should love or accept and decided to take my life back. Being a mother is part of who I am but it’s not the ONLY thing I am. And since when is it wrong to want to lose weight, get healthy, have more energy for my kids, etc.? Because at the end of the day, if you’re not happy your kids will see it. If you can’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of them. It’s like the oxygen mask analogy- you need to put your mask on first to be able to help your family. And that’s exactly what I did. Instead of staying in a state of depression trying to get used to the new me that I didn’t want, I took charge and started a diet and exercise program to get back the old me that I loved.

All the time I see moms on social media reaching out to other moms for advice on how to shed the baby weight. Instead of answering their question, other moms chime in about why they shouldn’t worry about it, or how it’s too soon after giving birth to be doing anything. And I’m over here like, “That was NOT what they asked.”

Again, don’t misunderstand me. I think it’s great to love yourself, especially the things you can’t change. Like how I’m a bitch- that will never change and I love myself for it. Just kidding. (Not really.) But really, if someone has something they don’t like about themselves, and they have the power to do something about it, why wouldn’t we empower them instead of tear them down claiming they should practice self love instead?

You have no idea what someone is going through that inspired them to make a change. Maybe they received bad news from their doctor. Maybe they found out a certain illness or condition runs in the family. Or maybe they are suffering from postpartum depression. Either way, it’s not up to you to judge them for how they feel about themselves. Try as you might for judging me for writing this blog or for starting my meal plan one week after having a baby, but I would rather fight off postpartum depression rather than make someone else happy by staying the same.

If you would like to read more about postpartum depression and how I fought it off, check out my blog, What You Need To Know About Postpartum Depression.

And if you need help to make a change, I am only a message away- CarissaVFitness@aol.com